Strong Woman Chronicles

The Hardest Thing I Had to Do this Week

It felt like a long walk from the kitchen to my outside shed. Opening the door I hoped I'd remember where I last left my tyre and once I found it, that I'd have the energy to lift it outside. I've been unable to train for a few weeks and I need to get back to it.

I clipped the tyre to my waist harness and set off. Two miles is not long unless you are pulling a 40kg tyre behind you.

To get to the South Pole I have to be fit enough to pull my sledge independently with my kit, all the way.

I'm part of a small expedition team that includes Lorraine Kelly GMTV anchorwoman and Fi Thornewill, world record holder to reach the South Pole, solo and unaided.

Fiona walked 700 miles in 42 days to the South pole, dragging a sled weighing in at 20 stones. With temperature reaching -50c with wind chill, Fiona set out to become the first British woman to reach the South Pole unaided and solo, however she beat the previous world record, set by the Korean team (44 days).

Fiona is an amazing woman - and I'm honoured to be on the team to celebrate the centenary anniversay of Ernest Shackleton's pioneering expediton to the South Pole.

I manage 2.2 miles in 39 minutes - all I need now is the stamina to weather -50c conditions and the ability to humour 200+kms of this for several weeks.

Strong Women Stand Up

I’m tickled pink to announce the Strong Women in the World Survey launched today.

‘What’s this about?’ You may be asking…

It all started when I realised my ‘Wonder-woman’ costume no longer suits me, my values or my longings.

No need to call a therapist – it’s not that I wore the actual Wonder-woman gear – energetically though I was living the life of a woman determined to accomplish too much, do too much, try too hard, and run too fast.

The benefits of this crippling pace were immense.

I was becoming a strong woman of a particular kind. I looked at myself close-up, nose to the mirror – I couldn’t deny my unrelenting accomplishments; extreme success; stretching myself thin; partying hard; & pushing through – I simply didn’t like what I saw.

I became curious about what it is to be a strong woman today; a strong woman in any sphere, not only in the business context. I began asking myself how I could amplify and sustain my strength rather than ‘crash & burn’ in my habitual driven ways.

I asked women questions about being strong & about how they express their power. Their stories, as well my own journey, triggered the idea of capturing more on Strong Women across the World.

Women’s words are pouring in as I write – if you'd like to take part in the survey, and haven’t been invited, email me here to receive your personal invitation.

Pitching to Editors

One of the best laughs I've had this month has come courtesy of this website . If you're a freelance journalist and want to see how not to pitch to editors, this one's for you. And if you happen to be an editor who's seen one too many duff pitches, prepare to laugh like a whale in mating season.

Unique as this interchange must surely be, we could all use a little help when it comes to pitching to editors. Just the other week, I had lunch with Susannah Pearce, gorgeous editor of the magazine, Your Family. In the absence of a lunch-slot with an editor, Joan Stewart, The Publicity Hound shows us the way in her article, How to Follow up your News Release and Story Pitches

Introducing My Tribe

Words can't capture how blessed I feel in the children department - I am mother to four sons and three daughters!

Drumrolls......here's who they are:

Freddie: he's the one at the back of the photo with his arms beside his head. His nickname is Firstborn because, well, he's the eldest. He is a sensitive and charming young man. He's been working in Poland, has come home to build a financial cushion and is due to return to Wroclaw in early 2006. His other nickname, as a child was Frog - it suits him.

George: is the one above my head in the photo and I bet you can tell he's so very shy! He's the tallest, broadest most 'male' boy yet he's gentle and humble. He'd prefer to be the eldest of the family and is settling, after many years, to the fact he came second. He was born two months early with no support in South Africa and has proved over and over he's a sheer survivor.

Jack: sporting a goatee to the left of the photo. He is someone who has braved much in his life and won through. A young man of supreme integrity, Juggling Jack Flash is a sought after flare barman at celebrity 'dos' in the UK capital. His uncanny talent for juggling any object has translated into a career!

Tom: What can I say? this is a young man [see him to your extreme left] with the most generous heart in the world. When I was last pregnant, on bed-rest, it was Tom who knew exactly what I needed each day. He has an uncanny ability to love people [it's not personal to me!], to care fully and to bring laughter.

Harriet: she is my oldest and beautiful big girl - see the one with dark looks to my right. She is the kindest young lady to all around her. She has a deep thirst for learning, a dry sense of humour, and a penchant for rich good-looking toffs.

Isadora: our girl in plaits - she's an energy bomb. This is one little girl with unstoppable joie de vivre. At five she sees the beauty in people and is wondrous of all around her. She  holds everyone she meets as a friend and all those who meet her feel exactly the same!

Meredith: the baby of the family. Possibly the most vociferous and self assured two year old in the land. Not content with identifying boats, she notices yachts; and at a spiritual level she has the energy of a breathtaking sage.

Wow - how lucky am I?

The Agony of 'About Me' Pages

This week I came up with, what I thought at the time, was a snappy little way to avoid getting down to writing my 'About Me' page. Here’s how I started,

‘I only just launched this blog (on Tuesday 4th October) and this was the last page on my to-write list. I'll have it done by the weekend next weekend soon. Until then, you can always email me at… blah…blah.’

See why I thought I was being clever?

Only I wasn’t.

With one-pager resumés, a speaking profile, and CV’s up to my armpits, what the hell is going on?

Folks, I’ve had a bout of that terminal disease called Self-Promotionitis Syndrome. Sufferers of this problem experience an inability to spread the word about who we are and what we do. The version of the SP Syndrome I suffer with is the one that paralyses my finger whenever I need to stand fully - yes 100% - in my power.

Once upon a time, my life was affected by a severe case of S-P Syndrome. It showed up only when I needed to write words about myself. I had no difficulty telling people about my accomplishments. Give me a keyboard, pencil/paper and a deadline and I'd be stricken with S-P Syndrome.

Nowadays. the bouts are short. I cotton onto the early symptoms - my procrastination, the way this to-do keeps showing up on my list yet doesn't take priority, and finally my eagerness for housework or admin. Most unlike me!

None of this, by the way, has anything to do with actual accomplishment by the way – did I tell you, for instance, I once won a scholarship to the Royal Ballet? Or that I’m one of the few Brits to be published in the prestigious Academy of Management Journal? Or, for that matter, how I coach top business leaders across the world? Or that I can knit a cool looking pair of socks?

No, I bet I haven’t shared that with you.

I declare war on this syndrome – and as a starter in banishing it, I pledge my About Me page will be up as soon as you can say, Strong Woman.

Maybe you know this syndrome too – I so hope you don’t.

Check it out. Where are you showing signs of Self-Promotionitis Syndrome? Let me know how you'll erase it from your life.

New VC Fund for UK Women Entrepreneurs

Hats off to Gita Patel and her team for launching, Trapezia Capital, a new investment fund dedicated to supporting UK women focused businesses. Raising cash through traditional channels proves near impossible for those women who try them. And for the rest, like me, who go it alone without seeking traditional investment, we create innovative ways of funding our enterprises. Big thanks to Great-auntie Winsome for investing in my first company!

Long overdue & sure to be a winner – go check it out at www.trapeziacapital.co.uk

Bestselling Book lets Women Down

I’ve been reading ‘Yes Man: The Amazing Tale Of What Happens When You Decide To say...YES’ by Danny Wallace. Danny spends his life saying No to parties, No to opportunities, and No to Himself. Dumped by his girlfriend, his life is dullsville. When he meets a man on a late-night London bus his world changes - this mystery man simply tells Danny the secret to happiness is to ’Say Yes More’.

Danny starts his Yes-mission immediately. Yes, he wins the lottery; yes, he travels the globe; yes he meets a whole variety of unusual characters; yes, he goes to the boring co-worker's party and winds up meeting a BBC exec who makes him a TV documentary star; and yes, it all comes off very believable and human.

I love the idea behind YES MAN. It's a laugh out loud romp of an ordinary British bloke whose life transforms by letting life sweep him wherever it does. Funny as it is, it wasn't till I closed the end cover that I could put my nail-varnished finger on what was niggling me all the way through.

This book simply won’t make Oprah’s book club for women. And you know why? It’s obvious. Women spend so much of their lives saying that word, 'Yes', in place of the one they'd rather use, but don't. Yes to a family Christmas with relatives they can't abide; Yes to lower pay than male counterparts; Yes to the myth of thin equalling happiness; Yes, Yes, Yes is how it goes.

How about a female version of this book? Surely it would have to be the ‘No Woman: The Amazing Tale Of What Happens When You Decide To Say…NO’. Now that would be a great read, don’t you think?

Guilty Pleasure

There’s a relatively new and growing group of people – the chardonnay swilling- middle class parent- so says Emma Cook in her feature, ‘Is it Six 0’Clock yet?’ on the potential impact of home alcohol consumption on children. While the alcohol industry is keen to focus attention on binge drinking no research, so far, documents the effects on children of parents’ ritual affection for alcohol.

Many of us have joined this new generational type of drinking parents – after all our own parents probably indulged in a rare treat of a glass of Mateus rosè over a Sunday Lunch – but for us the nightly ritual of uncorking the wine then squaffing a glass in front of the children has become habitual.

These frequent tipples, witnessed by our children, led researchers last month to advise us to think twice before drinking alcohol in front of our children, even our toddlers. What will happen is these same children by adolescence will have developed unquestioning beliefs that alcohol is ‘what needs to be done at 6 0’clock’ [choose here your uncorking time]. And that will spell trouble.

The stark option given this latest research is simple – give it up or your children will have a troubled relationship with alcohol. Differences between the U.S. and the U.K.might help us find our way forward with all this. In the States half the adult population define themselves as non-drinkers while in the U.K.where 95% men and 90% women drink, we veer towards the ideal of achieving moderation.

As parents we need to know there’s evidence that shows children know exactly why we drink – according to Dr Grigor who works with alcoholics, children pick up on the emotions behind their parents drinking before we know about them ourselves. And then there’s the research that shows when children are brought up in an environment where one of the carers is an abstainer, the child is far more likely to be a heavy drinker later in life than if the parents drink moderately.

I feel a mix of unease and anxiety as I reach for my tipple tonight, a chilled sparkling Australian white. And as Meredith, aged two, asks for a sip, I know in the middle of all this speculation, I am committed to teaching her and our other children that alcohol is not the answer to anything. Yes, it’s a temporary escape to a kind of ‘unconsciousness’ which, of course, has its own appeal. Ultimately though, being conscious in life translates into being at choice. Now that I can drink to! How about you?

Business Glue Comes Unstuck

I’ve been away awhile. The story goes like this. There I was one week in October happily leading day seminars, consulting, & coaching in my existing executive talent development business while at the same time building a new branded company serving strong women. Pfoof this changed overnight.

The glue that ordinarily helps me hold things together, at a practical level, is my VA and Nanny. Without these two people my ability to handle multiple projects and develop new business is compromised. Sure I can juggle running the business in a super-scaled-down way [no travel, doing the bare minimum] at the same time as caring for the children [running between schools, passing kids between my husband and myself]. I can also try and run the day to day stuff of business all alone. I’ve tried these approaches over the years and they both stink.

So what happened, you’re probably wondering? Two things… My trusty VA hit a major blip in his life – one that means he needs to concentrate on nothing other than himself. My nanny meanwhile, is fine [able to come to work in other words] albeit her 3.5 year relationship finished suddenly. The impact of one is enormous, the other less so.

My VA is no glorified secretary. He’s visionary and smart with skills that include blog management, web maintenance and customer relationship support - oh I could go on and on about what he can do – bottom-line he’s a profit generator in my business. The loss of him pulled me up short in a couple of ways. I hazard a guess they are universal factors any entrepreneur needs to consider unless they want the pandemonium I’ve experienced.

Once I’d taken the leap in attitude from seeing a VA as a profit centre rather than an expense, I set up a working relationship that gave me what I wanted. And here’s the thing that I tripped up on. I was so busy concentrating on the here-and-now of the business that I didn’t think to build systems with him that would mean if he dropped off the edge of the world everything would still work. Get it?

What was missing from our relationship was an explicit conversation about dependence and independence. I made myself dependent on him, in several respects and the key is, at the time I didn’t appreciate the depth of my dependence. I’m not exactly a pushover or space-cadet so realising this oversight caught me out.

Let me put this to you another way. I’ll bet there are things your partner/husband does in the home you never tackle. For me, it’s the central heating timer. Let’s just say your partner has to go away on a business trip when out of the blue that ‘thing’ he handles needs doing. It is through his absence you learn about the gaps in your knowledge. Enough said.

I now know far more about typepad, survey monkey, and techno-bits than a few weeks ago but that isn’t THE lesson. The top lesson for me is to learn to keep an eye on the balance between being independent [clutching info and responsibility tight to my chest] and dependent [giving it all to my VA] while at the same time being in the know of how things work should I need to take over the reins.

The next to top lesson I’ve learned is I’ve a tendency to wait just that bit too long before I move on. As I waited to hear whether my VA would be able to resume work, I noticed other clients of his take action, find a replacement from Andrea Lee's www.multiplestreamsteam.com & keep momentum. My wait, while respecting the relationship we built, meant my business and I felt in limbo. This patient waiting in other areas of my life– whether for client’s to pay or nanny to take more initiative, means ultimately I lose what I truly want and need. Wish me luck, I'm off to hire a new VA!