Strong Woman Chronicles

For Free!

One maxim I live by is “One woman’s trash is another’s treasure”. This could be anything from business-wear to garden furniture, food mixer to chest of drawers.

Deron Beal lives by the same maxim which is why in summer 2003 he started Freecycle.org. Employed within a recycling centre in the States, Deron carted unwanted bulky business stuff – desks, fax machines – from charity to charity until he found a taker.

He realised quickly this was not an efficient system.

Deron created a grassroots website open to individuals, charities and businesses in his hometown. The freecycle.org phenomenon has spread throughout 40 countries in less than 3 years.

I joined freecycle a month ago encouraged by a friend who needed an artificial Christmas tree to use in a rented house. She didn’t want the expense of buying a tree she knew she’d use for a couple of days ~ she just knew someone somewhere had a tree they didn’t want any longer. She put out a call on Freecycle and within minutes she was the proud owner of the tree she needed. No money involved.

So far in the past month I’ve:

Re-homed - Baby swing, Baby walker [enjoy Rebecca aged 6 months!], Desk top diary [just the thing Karin wanted] & piano [Mark’s sons are thrilled]

Welcomed – 2 lamps [Jenny they are safe & loved], Mp3 player [huge thanks to Tim] & piano [Louise we’ll treasure it]

At a deep level being part of Freecycle has restored my faith in a spirit of community and most important that being open hearted & generous – for the joy of it – where money doesn’t come into it in any way – is alive and well if we are open to finding it!

Three Things to Handle

The closer I get to expressing myself fully and living the life of my soul's yearning as if by magic, 3 things happen:

1. Temptations arrive to distract me from the direction I have decided to take - for instance, an awesome full-time consultant post  has been sent to me by no less than four people. Sure, I fit the bill. It could have been written with me in mind. Wonderful salary, ideal location, skin-tight fit with my experience. Just one thing - a teensy little detail - I don't want the darned job. I am set, more like excited, to launch Strong Woman Salon in 2006. I'm developing the Strong Woman TV series [more on that later] and a host of services for Strong Women in the World. I know where I'm going and it isn't into that alluring [and easier] future.

2. Surprises happen that alter my plans. In the last week, for example, my husband learned he will be out of the UK for between 5-8 months. For any family this would have big impact - for me it brings enormous choices too. I am due to leave on a South Pole expedition in mid-December. My husband was going to 'hold the fort' in my absence for more than a month. Will this Strong Woman give up her place on the team? If not, who will care for my children?

3. Fear gets in my way. It is a deeply courageous act to live fully, to express myself, to stand in my knowing, and to feel my power, especially as a woman. As I dare to be myself fully, fear rises. The more connected I am with myself, the more I am a a force to be reckoned with. The amount of my fear matches my daring - stepping into terrifying territories in my Life right now, my fears try to take up more space. As I write the treatment for two - not even one - TV series, my fear will have me believe I am a no-one, that I must be silent, and that I will be exposed and damaged by my ridiculous plans. I am having none of it - did you hear me shout that? - instead I simply notice that yes, I really am on the right path. I go clean up my messy pants [a girl has 'accidents' when she's stricken with fear] and I take another step.

Temptations, Surprises or Fear - which one is alive in your Life right now? Let me know how you deal with it!

Introducing My Tribe

Words can't capture how blessed I feel in the children department - I am mother to four sons and three daughters!

Drumrolls......here's who they are:

Freddie: he's the one at the back of the photo with his arms beside his head. His nickname is Firstborn because, well, he's the eldest. He is a sensitive and charming young man. He's been working in Poland, has come home to build a financial cushion and is due to return to Wroclaw in early 2006. His other nickname, as a child was Frog - it suits him.

George: is the one above my head in the photo and I bet you can tell he's so very shy! He's the tallest, broadest most 'male' boy yet he's gentle and humble. He'd prefer to be the eldest of the family and is settling, after many years, to the fact he came second. He was born two months early with no support in South Africa and has proved over and over he's a sheer survivor.

Jack: sporting a goatee to the left of the photo. He is someone who has braved much in his life and won through. A young man of supreme integrity, Juggling Jack Flash is a sought after flare barman at celebrity 'dos' in the UK capital. His uncanny talent for juggling any object has translated into a career!

Tom: What can I say? this is a young man [see him to your extreme left] with the most generous heart in the world. When I was last pregnant, on bed-rest, it was Tom who knew exactly what I needed each day. He has an uncanny ability to love people [it's not personal to me!], to care fully and to bring laughter.

Harriet: she is my oldest and beautiful big girl - see the one with dark looks to my right. She is the kindest young lady to all around her. She has a deep thirst for learning, a dry sense of humour, and a penchant for rich good-looking toffs.

Isadora: our girl in plaits - she's an energy bomb. This is one little girl with unstoppable joie de vivre. At five she sees the beauty in people and is wondrous of all around her. She  holds everyone she meets as a friend and all those who meet her feel exactly the same!

Meredith: the baby of the family. Possibly the most vociferous and self assured two year old in the land. Not content with identifying boats, she notices yachts; and at a spiritual level she has the energy of a breathtaking sage.

Wow - how lucky am I?

Guilty Pleasure

There’s a relatively new and growing group of people – the chardonnay swilling- middle class parent- so says Emma Cook in her feature, ‘Is it Six 0’Clock yet?’ on the potential impact of home alcohol consumption on children. While the alcohol industry is keen to focus attention on binge drinking no research, so far, documents the effects on children of parents’ ritual affection for alcohol.

Many of us have joined this new generational type of drinking parents – after all our own parents probably indulged in a rare treat of a glass of Mateus rosè over a Sunday Lunch – but for us the nightly ritual of uncorking the wine then squaffing a glass in front of the children has become habitual.

These frequent tipples, witnessed by our children, led researchers last month to advise us to think twice before drinking alcohol in front of our children, even our toddlers. What will happen is these same children by adolescence will have developed unquestioning beliefs that alcohol is ‘what needs to be done at 6 0’clock’ [choose here your uncorking time]. And that will spell trouble.

The stark option given this latest research is simple – give it up or your children will have a troubled relationship with alcohol. Differences between the U.S. and the U.K.might help us find our way forward with all this. In the States half the adult population define themselves as non-drinkers while in the U.K.where 95% men and 90% women drink, we veer towards the ideal of achieving moderation.

As parents we need to know there’s evidence that shows children know exactly why we drink – according to Dr Grigor who works with alcoholics, children pick up on the emotions behind their parents drinking before we know about them ourselves. And then there’s the research that shows when children are brought up in an environment where one of the carers is an abstainer, the child is far more likely to be a heavy drinker later in life than if the parents drink moderately.

I feel a mix of unease and anxiety as I reach for my tipple tonight, a chilled sparkling Australian white. And as Meredith, aged two, asks for a sip, I know in the middle of all this speculation, I am committed to teaching her and our other children that alcohol is not the answer to anything. Yes, it’s a temporary escape to a kind of ‘unconsciousness’ which, of course, has its own appeal. Ultimately though, being conscious in life translates into being at choice. Now that I can drink to! How about you?

From a Topsy Turvy Evening into Business

Nanny rang in sick tonight. All hell let loose in our schedules.

My business, Life Wizards, www.lifewizards.com is run from the playroom today. Meredith’s favourite Spot video makes her happy. Our eldest son, Freddie, is staying for a few days and agrees to take her for a walk while I coach clients. Unfortunately, just as a client is sharing a long-held fear the kids return to play raucously in the garden. I include this external ‘energy’ in the session and vow inwardly to tell him to shut up when I’m coaching.

There’s 2-3 hours between me leaving to drive to London after school time and Scott [beloved] returning home this evening. Biggest brother is in charge of his 3 youngest sisters and Binky the Jack Russell. I cross my fingers as this is peak time in our home when uniforms need sorting, hungry girls fed, reading done, baths, into pyjamas and then into a soothing bedtime.

Sunday Christening, Children Galore

My youngest daughter, Meredith [2] is getting christened this weekend. Family will arrive from far flung places to celebrate her special day. You’d think I’d be thrilled at the prospect yet on top of a busy working week it feels all too much. I started preparations weeks back with long lists of things to do to make the day run smoothly. All to make sure my sanity stays intact.

From invitations through to the day itself – booking the vicar, organising clothes, having the house ready for lots of guests - I’d forgotten the effort this takes. At least I’m not preparing the food. In a stroke of genius I have one thing right. Not only is Meredith’s godfather, Jon Burr, a wonderful man praise the Lord he also has a rare talent for creating scrumptious healthy food. I recommend choosing godparents with specific talents!

Now all I need is for someone to remind me why the hell I thought bringing everyone together would be ‘fun’. Actually now that I’m questioning this, I have the answer. All seven of our children will be home and for that I can hardly wait. When they are all at home I feel like the luckiest Ma Walton in the world.